In a class I teach for adults, I recently did the “unpardonable.”

最近在我執教的一個成人班級里，我干了一件“不可饒恕的”事情。

I gave the class homework!

我居然給班上的學生布置了一份家庭作業!

The assignment was to “go to someone you love within the next week and tell them you love them.

任務是“下周之內要走到你所愛的人面前，告訴他們你愛他。

It has to be someone you have never said those words to before

此人必須是一位此前你從未對之說過此話的對象，

or at least haven''t shared those words with for a long time.”

或至少很久沒有與他們交流過這些愛意盎然的話語了?！?/p>

Now that doesn t sound like a very tough assignment, until you stop to realize that most of the men were over 35

聽起來這不像是一份苛刻的任務，直到你意識到這個班里多數男生已年逾35歲。

and were raised in the generation of men that were taught that expressing emotions is not “macho.”

何況在他們成長的那個年代，他們受到的是這樣的灌輸：流露情感沒有“陽剛之氣”。

Showing feelings or crying (heaven forbid!) was just not done.

人們不會輕易流露情感和哭泣(老天也不允!)。

So this was a very threatening assignment for some.

因此對某些人來說，這是一項令人生畏的任務。

At the beginning of our next class,

第二次上課一開始，

I asked if someone wanted to share what happened when they told someone they loved them.

我就問：當你告訴別人你愛他/她時，結果怎樣?有沒有人愿意講一講?

I fully expected one of the women to volunteer6, as was usually the case,

我滿心指望像平常一樣，某位女士能自告奮勇，

but on this evening one of the men raised his hand.

但是這天晚上，一位男士舉起了手。

He appeared quite moved and a bit shaken.

他看上去很受感動的樣子，還有一點顫抖。

As he unfolded out of his chair(all 6 2" of him),

當他從座椅上直起身來時(他身高6英尺2英寸)，

he began by saying, Dennis, I was quite angry with you last week when you gave us this assignment.

他這樣說道：“丹尼斯，上周你給我們布置任務時，我很生你的氣。

I didn`t feel that I had anyone to say those words to, and besides,

我認為我沒有什么人需要我說那些話，而且，

who were you to tell me to do something that personal8?

你是誰?憑什么讓我們去干這種涉及隱私的事?

“But as I began driving home my conscience started talking to me.

“但我驅車回家時，我的良知開始與我對話。

It was telling me that I knew exactly who I needed to say I love you to.

它告訴我，我確實知道需要向誰說‘我愛你'這句話。

You see, five years ago, my father and I had a vicious disagreement and really never resolved it since that time.

“你瞧，5年前，我與父親發生了激烈的爭執，而且從此再也沒有消除隔閡。

We avoided seeing each other unless we absolutely had to at Christmas or other family gatherings.

我們互相回避，除非絕對必須出席圣誕節聚會或其他的家庭聚會。

But even then, we hardly spoke to each other.

但甚至在那些場合，我們彼此幾乎也不說一句話。

“So last Tuesday by the time I got home I had convinced myself I was going to tell my father I loved him.

“因此，上周二到家時，我確信自己做得不對，打算告訴父親我愛他。

“It’s weird, but just making that decision seemed to lift a heavy load off my chest.

“這事兒有點怪怪的，但就是這個決定似乎搬走了一塊壓在我胸口的重石。

“When I got home, I rushed into the house to tell my wife what I was going to do. She was already in bed, but I woke her up anyway. When I told her, she didn’t just get out of bed, she catapulted out and hugged my, and for the first time in our married life she saw me cry. We stayed up half the night drinking coffee and talking. It was great!

到家的時候，我沖進屋里，想告訴妻子我的打算。當時她已經上床睡了，但我無論如何還是叫醒了她。我如此這般告訴她，她不單是起了床，簡直就是跳起來擁抱我，婚后第一次她目睹了我哭泣的樣子。那一夜我們品著咖啡說著話一直聊到半夜。這感覺真棒!

“The next morning I was up bright and early. I was so excited I could hardly sleep. I got to the office early and accomplished more in two hours than I had the whole day before.

“第二天一大清早我就起了床。我激動得睡不著覺，提前到辦公室上班，兩個小時之內就干完了比以前干一整天還要多的活。

“At 9:00 I called my dad to see if could come over after work. When he answered the phone, I just said, ‘Dad, can I come over after work tonight? I have something to tell you.’ My dad responded with a grumpy, ‘Now what?’ I assured him it wouldn’t take long, so he finally agreed.

“在九點的時候我打電話給父親問問能不能下班后去看他，當他接電話的時候，我只是說：‘老爸，今晚上下班后我能到你哪兒去嗎?我有事跟你說。’父親不耐煩的應答：‘什么事?’我向他保證花不了多長時間，最終他同意了。

“At 5:30, I was at my parents’ house ringing the doorbell, praying that Dad would answer the door. I was afraid if Mom answered that I would chicken out and tell her instead. But as luck would have it, Dad did answer the door.

“五點半，我就來到父母家摁響了門鈴。我暗自禱告老爸會應聲開門。害怕如果應聲開門的是母親，我會因膽怯而對她說出那幾個字。終歸我的運氣好，老爸應聲來到門口。

“I didn’t waste any time – I took one step in the door and said, ‘Dad, I just came over to tell you that I love you.’

“我抓緊時間———我一腳跨進門檻說：‘老爸，我來就是為了特地告訴你一聲我愛你?！?/p>

“It was as if a transformation came over my dad. Before my eyes his face softened, the wrinkles seemed to disappear and he began to cry. He reached out and hugged me and said, ‘I love you too, son, but I’ve never been able to say it.’

“聽了這話，老爸似乎前后判若兩人。只見他臉變得柔和起來，連皺紋似乎也消失了，他泣不成聲。他伸出手擁抱我說：‘兒子，我也愛你，但這話以前我從來沒能說出口。’

“It was such a precious moment I didn’t want to move. Mom walked by with tears in her eyes. I just waved and blew her a kiss. Dad and I hugged for a moment longer and then I left. I hadn’t felt that great in a long time.

“這一刻如此寶貴以至于我不想挪動半步。媽媽雙眼含淚走過來，我只揮了揮手，給了她一個飛吻。我和父親又相擁片刻，然后我離開了。許久以來，我都沒有過那么棒的感覺了。

“But that’s not even my point. Two days after that visit, my dad, who had heart problems, but didn’t tell me, had an attack and ended up in the hospital, unconscious. I don’t know if he'll make it.

“但這并不是我說這些的目的。那次上門之后過了兩天，我的父親———他患有心臟病，但沒有告訴我———突發心肌梗塞，結果被送往醫院，昏迷不醒。我不知他是否能挺過去。

“So my message to all of you in this is: Don’t wait to do the things you know need to be done. What if I had waited to tell my dad – maybe I will never get the chance again! Take the time to do what you need to do and do it now!”

“所以我要忠告全班同學的是：如果你知道有些事情需要做的話，千萬不要等。要是我等到以后再對父親說‘我愛你’那句話會怎么樣呢———也許我永遠沒有機會了!抓緊時間去干你需要干的事情，現在就行動!”

In a class I teach for adults, I recently did the “unpardonable.”

最近在我執教的一個成人班級里，我干了一件“不可饒恕的”事情。

I gave the class homework!

我居然給班上的學生布置了一份家庭作業!

The assignment was to “go to someone you love within the next week and tell them you love them.

任務是“下周之內要走到你所愛的人面前，告訴他們你愛他。

It has to be someone you have never said those words to before

此人必須是一位此前你從未對之說過此話的對象，

or at least haven''t shared those words with for a long time.”

或至少很久沒有與他們交流過這些愛意盎然的話語了?！?/p>

Now that doesn t sound like a very tough assignment, until you stop to realize that most of the men were over 35

聽起來這不像是一份苛刻的任務，直到你意識到這個班里多數男生已年逾35歲。

and were raised in the generation of men that were taught that expressing emotions is not “macho.”

何況在他們成長的那個年代，他們受到的是這樣的灌輸：流露情感沒有“陽剛之氣”。

Showing feelings or crying (heaven forbid!) was just not done.

人們不會輕易流露情感和哭泣(老天也不允!)。

So this was a very threatening assignment for some.

因此對某些人來說，這是一項令人生畏的任務。

At the beginning of our next class,

第二次上課一開始，

I asked if someone wanted to share what happened when they told someone they loved them.

我就問：當你告訴別人你愛他/她時，結果怎樣?有沒有人愿意講一講?

I fully expected one of the women to volunteer6, as was usually the case,

我滿心指望像平常一樣，某位女士能自告奮勇，

but on this evening one of the men raised his hand.

但是這天晚上，一位男士舉起了手。

He appeared quite moved and a bit shaken.

他看上去很受感動的樣子，還有一點顫抖。

As he unfolded out of his chair(all 6 2" of him),

當他從座椅上直起身來時(他身高6英尺2英寸)，

he began by saying, Dennis, I was quite angry with you last week when you gave us this assignment.

他這樣說道：“丹尼斯，上周你給我們布置任務時，我很生你的氣。

I didn`t feel that I had anyone to say those words to, and besides,

我認為我沒有什么人需要我說那些話，而且，

who were you to tell me to do something that personal8?

你是誰?憑什么讓我們去干這種涉及隱私的事?

“But as I began driving home my conscience started talking to me.

“但我驅車回家時，我的良知開始與我對話。

It was telling me that I knew exactly who I needed to say I love you to.

它告訴我，我確實知道需要向誰說‘我愛你'這句話。

You see, five years ago, my father and I had a vicious disagreement and really never resolved it since that time.

“你瞧，5年前，我與父親發生了激烈的爭執，而且從此再也沒有消除隔閡。

We avoided seeing each other unless we absolutely had to at Christmas or other family gatherings.

我們互相回避，除非絕對必須出席圣誕節聚會或其他的家庭聚會。

But even then, we hardly spoke to each other.

但甚至在那些場合，我們彼此幾乎也不說一句話。

“So last Tuesday by the time I got home I had convinced myself I was going to tell my father I loved him.

“因此，上周二到家時，我確信自己做得不對，打算告訴父親我愛他。

“It’s weird, but just making that decision seemed to lift a heavy load off my chest.

“這事兒有點怪怪的，但就是這個決定似乎搬走了一塊壓在我胸口的重石。

“When I got home, I rushed into the house to tell my wife what I was going to do. She was already in bed, but I woke her up anyway. When I told her, she didn’t just get out of bed, she catapulted out and hugged my, and for the first time in our married life she saw me cry. We stayed up half the night drinking coffee and talking. It was great!

到家的時候，我沖進屋里，想告訴妻子我的打算。當時她已經上床睡了，但我無論如何還是叫醒了她。我如此這般告訴她，她不單是起了床，簡直就是跳起來擁抱我，婚后第一次她目睹了我哭泣的樣子。那一夜我們品著咖啡說著話一直聊到半夜。這感覺真棒!

“The next morning I was up bright and early. I was so excited I could hardly sleep. I got to the office early and accomplished more in two hours than I had the whole day before.

“第二天一大清早我就起了床。我激動得睡不著覺，提前到辦公室上班，兩個小時之內就干完了比以前干一整天還要多的活。

“At 9:00 I called my dad to see if could come over after work. When he answered the phone, I just said, ‘Dad, can I come over after work tonight? I have something to tell you.’ My dad responded with a grumpy, ‘Now what?’ I assured him it wouldn’t take long, so he finally agreed.

“在九點的時候我打電話給父親問問能不能下班后去看他，當他接電話的時候，我只是說：‘老爸，今晚上下班后我能到你哪兒去嗎?我有事跟你說?！赣H不耐煩的應答：‘什么事?’我向他保證花不了多長時間，最終他同意了。

“At 5:30, I was at my parents’ house ringing the doorbell, praying that Dad would answer the door. I was afraid if Mom answered that I would chicken out and tell her instead. But as luck would have it, Dad did answer the door.

“五點半，我就來到父母家摁響了門鈴。我暗自禱告老爸會應聲開門。害怕如果應聲開門的是母親，我會因膽怯而對她說出那幾個字。終歸我的運氣好，老爸應聲來到門口。

“I didn’t waste any time – I took one step in the door and said, ‘Dad, I just came over to tell you that I love you.’

“我抓緊時間———我一腳跨進門檻說：‘老爸，我來就是為了特地告訴你一聲我愛你?！?/p>

“It was as if a transformation came over my dad. Before my eyes his face softened, the wrinkles seemed to disappear and he began to cry. He reached out and hugged me and said, ‘I love you too, son, but I’ve never been able to say it.’

“聽了這話，老爸似乎前后判若兩人。只見他臉變得柔和起來，連皺紋似乎也消失了，他泣不成聲。他伸出手擁抱我說：‘兒子，我也愛你，但這話以前我從來沒能說出口?！?/p>

“It was such a precious moment I didn’t want to move. Mom walked by with tears in her eyes. I just waved and blew her a kiss. Dad and I hugged for a moment longer and then I left. I hadn’t felt that great in a long time.

“這一刻如此寶貴以至于我不想挪動半步。媽媽雙眼含淚走過來，我只揮了揮手，給了她一個飛吻。我和父親又相擁片刻，然后我離開了。許久以來，我都沒有過那么棒的感覺了。

“But that’s not even my point. Two days after that visit, my dad, who had heart problems, but didn’t tell me, had an attack and ended up in the hospital, unconscious. I don’t know if he'll make it.

“但這并不是我說這些的目的。那次上門之后過了兩天，我的父親———他患有心臟病，但沒有告訴我———突發心肌梗塞，結果被送往醫院，昏迷不醒。我不知他是否能挺過去。

“So my message to all of you in this is: Don’t wait to do the things you know need to be done. What if I had waited to tell my dad – maybe I will never get the chance again! Take the time to do what you need to do and do it now!”

“所以我要忠告全班同學的是：如果你知道有些事情需要做的話，千萬不要等。要是我等到以后再對父親說‘我愛你’那句話會怎么樣呢———也許我永遠沒有機會了!抓緊時間去干你需要干的事情，現在就行動!”